For those foot-fetishers out there ....

Who knows? Maybe that's Hillary Clinton ....

Surf and Turf

Ahh - summer ... the time to watch lovely tanned bodies in tank tops and short shorts ...

Whoops! Wrong blog!

I am sad to announce that LargeLadiesClothing  is gone. Defunct. Kaput. Our (in)famous bug-eyed model complete with thyroid has moved on to bigger and better things.

Perhaps, like a carnival side show.

But I digress ... thanks to the tireless work of Mary McFat (http://www.casagordita.com/clothing.htm), we still have oodles and oodles of ugly fat girls and even uglier fat fashions to review!

Today's review will focus on BBW Boutique (http://www.bbwboutique.com/) which, according to their own mission statement, is:

Where you can be the woman you are, not the woman others want you to be!
Designers of Original Fashions for Plus Size by Plus Size Women in sizes 1X-7X

Obviously, there is a vast, untapped well of self-hatred going on here.

Our first item is a slinky see-thru black blouse. The "Princess/ Denim Lace Top."

This is part of their "Princess" line ... I wonder if they mean clothing or tarps for the cruise ships...

Remember, black is slimming ... and it's doing wonders for the rolls of fat cascading down the model's back in the photograph and artfully hiding the massive dewlaps on the arms with it's delightful material. Plus, it helps cinch the waist (and explode more rolls of fat) with the built in corset.

And who doesn't love a zipper in the front of a blouse? That just screams "I'm too fat to reach behind me" or perhaps "stroke victim."

The other item that needs to be seen to be believed is the "Batik Sarong Inspired Tropical Wrap Skirt." The captioning says that you can wrap it around at your underarms to cover a swimsuit.

The burning question - "Can you tie it around the top of your head too?"

Can this be made into a "Batik Sarong Inspired Tropical Burqa" ?? I'd cover my face - not from modesty, but from shame.

Look at this model. Look. At. Her. If you're that big, why are you wearing a bikini top? And metallic purple to boot? And nothing proclaims sexy - and dare we say, "tawdry" and "wanton" - like a butterfly tattoo on your bosom? Or is that a Fell Beast?

I also like the fact that the flowers draw your eye down towards the ground, and to the cankles. It helps to distract the viewer from the muffin-top (or in this instance, mega wedding cake top) draping over the top of the skirt.

I'm very glad she is wearing the sarong ... I can only imagine the metallic purple bikini bottom that the sarong conceals. The rolls of fat, cellulite and whatever is giving me uncontrollable shudders.

You may be wondering why this post was titled "Surf and Turf" - well, it's obvious with the saguaro cacti in the background that we are in the middle of some desert in the American Southwest and we have these rather ... gravitic ... cetaceans modeling the fat-wear.

At least neither model appears to have thyroid ...

Supersymmetry

(Folks, I just couldn't resist it ...)

"In particle physics, supersymmetry (often abbreviated SUSY) is a symmetry that relates elementary particles of one spin to other particles that differ by half a unit of spin and are known as superpartners. In a theory with unbroken supersymmetry, for every type of boson there exists a corresponding type of fermion with the same mass and internal quantum numbers, and vice-versa."

In other words, Supersymmetry is an idea that history repeats itself to solve similar problems.

This woman (again, courtesy of peopleofwalmart.com) proves that the theory is indeed correct.

Truth in Advertising

From the peopleofwalmart.com site:

Summer fun

After a bit of a hiatus, we are back!

I hate to pick on the LargeLadiesClothing.com site, but they just make it so EASY. Dear Lord, they not only have some of the most god-awful designs and patterns on the planet, but the model ... I feel my lunch starting to do a paso doble in my stomach as I write this.

Alas ... the waning days of summer ... the last chance to wear white... And what could be more alluring and delectable than this two-piece ensemble? Our bug-eyed model seems to be somewhat enjoying herself in this ... thing - but I will leave it to our esteemed readers to make the final determination: is it wistfulness, or is it "I'm not being paid enough to be photographed in this crap" that is running through her mind?

As usual, the art of camouflage is in effect here - one's eye is drawn to the palm trees and dots on that more-than-ample bosom (and away from the massive dewlaps) and the long skirt cleverly conceals thighs the size of a normal human being's torso.

I truly love the way they accessorize this poly-cotton monstrosity: a little tiny purse (to hold those emergency candy bars).

And those blue pumps! The photographer may have thought to use a spot of color to add whimsy to the shoot; however, he soon learned he needed to add that chair as a walker or an anchor as the model cannot stand on her own to feet in anything but flats. (As it is, those shoes used to have four-inch heels.)

Doesn't this just scream "BUY ME" ??

Purple Reign (of Terror)

From the Lane Bryant catalog:

Ahh, nothing says "crass" like dots. Big dots. Small dots. Ginormous dots. Doesn't matter. That pattern just smacks of some twisted conversation going on in some fashionista's design salon.

"Let's do something really EVIL today. What's the worst pattern we can come up with for some fat cow?"

"Just fat or morbidly obese?"

"Doesn't matter. We can sell anything as long as we get the right model."

"Hmmmm .... how about horizontal stripes?"

"No ... too simple. We need something more elaborate ... we couldn't even get away with THAT..."

"Dots? Multi-colored dots?"

"Not gross enough ..."

"What about spots? Huge dots?"

"Mmmmm .... intriguing ... keep going ..."

"Huge geometric spots in different colors. Make the eyes notice the horrible pattern on the schmatta before they see the fat body it's hiding. Sort of like a psychedelic buffalo."

"I like it. What color scheme are you thinking of?"

"Black and white?"

"Too stark - that won't sell in Hicksville USA - we need something else. Something to grab the eye..."

"Yellow? Lime green? Purple?"

"YES! Purple! Just like overweight royalty! Have you seen "Wall-E?" What about fabric?"

"Poly and spandex!"

"Perfect!"

This model looks either bored or terribly embarrassed ... but then again, who wouldn't be burning with shame wearing something like this?

Steven Hawking's Nightmare

Steven Hawking - probably THE most preeminent physicist since Einstein - is best known for his work on black holes. These astronomical bodies are some of the most violent and most frightening in the universe. Incredible forces beyond imagination tear both matter and space asunder; light is swallowed by the black hole, and matter itself is pulled down into its gravity well, accelerating to the speed of light and beyond - leaving but twinkles of radiation to mark its journey into oblivion.

Where could he have even conceived of such black, massive bodies with incredible destructive power?

Obviously from this model. And from LargeLadiesClothing.Com

There's so much here that is the stuff of nightmares. If your arms look like this, cover them up, for the love of God! Add to the fact that the model looks like she has a bad case of thyroid. We also see that she is ready to begin her high-wire act with the balancing umbrella.

This is one of the more demure pictures from this site. There are things here that will make your eyes bleed.